“Healthy boundaries take away unneeded stress in all relationships, intimate and professional.
Hint: They’re not necessarily walls.”
Boundaries are often confusing territory. This is because they are initially established unconsciously.
The first stage of recovering healthy boundaries usually involves setting clear and firm external limits with agreements and a firm ability to say “No.”
But unless you want to spend your life (and a lot of energy) maintaining those boundaries, the next stage of boundary awareness moves inside—to the source of what drives your experience with others.
1. Do you struggle for clarity in your relationships?
2. Do you wonder when enough is enough or if you should give or allow more?
3. Are you confused over whether your requests are reasonable?
4. Do you avoid conflict by not setting boundaries or making requests?
5. Is it hard for you to say no or are you always setting the limit?
6. Are your requests overlooked or ignored?
These are just a handful of questions that constantly come up from students and clients around boundaries and healthy relationship.
The journey to establishing healthy boundaries from the inside out truly begins by becoming clear about what is OK and not OK with you. This is a process of recovering your value, deservability and inner authority.
Often times, there is great confusion distinguishing personal space; where it begins and ends. Common for adults who were raised by overbearing or abusive caregivers, is difficulty in understanding that personal space exists at all. These people tend to have very diffuse or porous boundaries and ultimately feel like doormats, that others walk all over them. The reaction can vary from collapsing into helplessness to violently swinging into fits of intolerance or passive aggressive tactics to secure safety by making space.
On the other side, adults who were raised by overly permissive parents, can struggle to appreciate how their behaviors affect others, that simply doing what they please is not going to build sustainable relationships over time.
There are many variables and scenarios regarding boundaries, making this topic one of the most pervasive challenges in relationships of all kinds.
Boundaries from the inside out are governed by Law of Attraction. However, this understanding must be dealt with delicately, with great compassion and understanding. Under no circumstances are you EVER to blame yourself, or make your “child self” responsible for boundaries violations that occurred at any point in your life.
This is a deeper and more complex issue that space and time here will not permit. I will say, however, that taking responsibility for your internal agreements is done from the perspective of your adult persona only. The child aspects of one’s self require a different kind of attention and presence that I strongly recommend you learn with skilled and knowledgeable assistance.
Ultimately, you must understand your soul mission with regard to what you’ve come to integrate in this life, aka your life lessons. These “lessons” will always point to where awareness and Love need to be directed within. You’ll come to understand how boundaries actually equal internal agreements.
Boundaries from the inside out are covered in great depth and detail in the Core Awakening Journey as well as private sessions. Understanding and solving your boundary issues can provide tremendous relief from stress and uncertainty at home and at work. You will gain respect from others and, more importantly, with your self. Boundaries are the doorway to relaxing into your skin and your personal power.